My first Giveaway: Name my child.

1 06 2008

Following up my first ever book review, here’s my first giveaway. Selling out is cool!

No one believes that Karen and I haven’t even really discussed possible names for this baby we’re expecting in about eight weeks. We’ve been calling him “What’s-his-name.” Truth be told, we’re running out of boy names. But we’re also running out of time, and I don’t think he’d appreciate “Undecided” on his birth certificate. That’s where you come in.

So how about this for a contest: Name our child. And I’m not looking for just any names. Only funny or weird names will be accepted (I already know what my sister’s first entry will be). Names that raise eyebrows and contort the faces of strangers.Β  We’ve all heard them at one point or another. Here’s a photo of the babe to give you inspiration:

Put your entries in the comments section, and add as many as you like. Karen and I will look at the entries in a couple weeks and our favorite will be the winner.

For a prize Karen and I were going to let you pick one of our kids (excluding Benjamin, of course), but that news item about the guy trying to sell a kid on Craigslist took all the fun out of it. Apparently you can go to jail for it, even if you’re kidding.

So the prize for this contest will be Mario Batali’s recently published cookbook, Italian Grill. Just in time for summer. So come on people, do your worst.

ADDENDUM: Karen is demanding that I tell you all, in no uncertain terms, that we won’t really choose our baby’s name from your list. That part is fake, but the giveaway is real.Β  And if you wanted to suggest, you know, real names that could be fun too.

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42 responses

1 06 2008
Aliyah

Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus is always a classic!

2 06 2008
Lisa

My son was born in April- 4 weeks early- and we had NO NAME. Wish I’d thought to open it up to the internets! (We did finally come to a decision the morning he was released from the hospital.)

So my suggestions is LaWayne D’Champ. Nice Southern name, little bit of smashing together of sounds, no consistency to the form. What do you think? Or you could just smoosh together your names Markaren? Karark? No?

We named ours Noah and then found out it was in the top 5 for our state last year. I think you’d be safe with Markaren there.

Lisa
bookslistslife AT gmail DOT com
http://bookslistslife.blogspot.com

2 06 2008
Dawn

“I already know what my sister’s first entry will be”? Really? You figured my choice would be “Vasectomy”? What would go with that for a middle name, though?

Ian’s choice would be “David”. So you can name the next one “Goliath”. I think it is so funny that Ian thinks there will be a next one. It’s just what Uncle Mark and Auntie Karen do – they have babies. πŸ™‚

Our mother has been calling all of our unborn children “George” for just over 10 years now. Do you think it’s time we (meaning you) give her one?

2 06 2008
Lauren

I’d like to suggest two names: Ambrose or Declan. The first because when my friend told me she was considering it for her son I burst out with, “AMBROSE?!? What kind of a name is AMBROSE??” I learned that one should not do that. Ever.

The second because at a family reunion my niece was telling everybody her new (in-utero) baby brother’s name was going to be Declan. I followed the little tyke around and explained to everybody, “That’s just their joke name.” Ummmm….. one should not do that. Ever. My nephew Declan will tell you that.

I really shouldn’t hang around people.

2 06 2008
Don

No fair! Lauren took ONE of the names I was going to offer up! My great-great-(not sure how many greats go here, anymore) grandfather’s name was Ambrose Everett Burnside Sherman (insert a last name here).

Of course, if the little guy wasn’t a little guy, I would be able to suggest some of my favorite female ancestors’ names: Laura Iva Eva Ethel (insert last name here), and Ina Dora Alvira Elizabeth (insert last name here).

Trust me, I didn’t make those names up. I’m not that clever or bored, and don’t have a fear of not having enough names.

Warning: Your blog will now appear in people researching my family’s geneology.

3 06 2008
stranger who passed by

Adrian. Nash. Kirk. Matthew. Cole. Stephen.

3 06 2008
Kristen

Our prenatal name for our boys was always Festus Burt. Gave my mom fits, but then she doesn’t usually get a joke.

Good luck with the naming contest.

3 06 2008
Bennie

Abby Normal

Sodam Insane

Deduction Four

3 06 2008
Bennie

Pious Constantine

Quad Fuad

Picklehead Duckslimer

3 06 2008
Gretchen

Actually had an insured named Jingli Wang when I worked at a large insurance company.

Always loved Long Duck Dong from 16 Candles.

My mom insists Carl is the best name going. Blech.

I love saints names and you could always go with Polycarp, Bonaventure or Dymphna.

Can’t wait to see what wins!

Gretchen
http://www.simonpeters.org

3 06 2008
Angela

When my husband and I were looking through a name book for our first child we came across the name Post. We told people that the baby would be Alaska Post if a girl and Post Alaska if a boy. Rusty Post would work too.

3 06 2008
Bennie

Since Mark brought it up, how about Countdown To Number Five.

3 06 2008
nursebettylboop

Kermit-there was a cute guy at summer camp with that name. “And one time, at band camp.”

4 06 2008
Karen

New rule: Bennie, any entries with references to a “Baby #5” will be disqualified!
πŸ˜‰

4 06 2008
Miss Behaving

Zachariah. IF I went number 5 ( I am talking me Karen okay? πŸ˜‰ ) I would call him Zachariah, so you’d really be doing me a favour to take the name.
I think it fits nicely with the other boys names too.

I had shed loads of names I liked for girls but was really stretched on boys names, so they don’t even have middle names.

Do you know it’s a boy? Did I miss a post?

4 06 2008
Aliyah

I heard a very good one yesterday: Lemonjello. Pronounced “Leh-MON-jeh-low.”

4 06 2008
Mom/Grandma

Well I have to add my bit here…….how about “Vibert”……..from Paul Keens Douglas “string bank” or Jonas….from a famous calypso “Jonas, you tief a bake here” Give the child a proper name which reflects his “West Indian ancestry”…..
πŸ™‚

4 06 2008
Suzanne

There’s always that classic fake Asian name: Diphthong.

4 06 2008
sheepincognito

paddington pug? (if he’s chubby or furry)
jalisco tabasco? (if he looks a bit hispanic)
marlboro matinee (if he’s born in the morning with a cigarette in the corner of his mouth)
sharky finn (in case he decides to be a private eye when he’s grown up)
ub leepin’ fool (you’ll be glad you have that as his name, so people can’t accuse you of cursing at your kid)
godda ammit (same principle and it saves you some breath when calling for the kid in the park).
shakes pear, ed (dress him in medieval garb and teach him some lines from a midsummer night’s dream before teaching him to say dada – he’ be an instant hit)

either way – he does look cute..then again, it’s an ultrasound we’re looking at: how cute can a picture of a skeleton look ? I bet in real life he’ll be a thousand times more beautiful – I bet you’re excited! Congratulations!

4 06 2008
Lars (Daddy/Grandpa

I agree with Cheryl (Mom/Grandma): the boys will all be better off if one of the brothers got a name that reflects some aspects of their West Indian roots. A slight correction though: that famous larceny of the small unleavened loaf (viz. a “roast-bake” of the “Jonny-bake” variety) was perpetrated by Jonah – and not Jonas.

Anyway, my suggestion for a true West Indian moniker would be not Vibert, or Jonah, but simply Eddoes, Dasheen or, to echo one of Karen’s all-time favorites, Breadruit. The latter can be combined with “Burntsugar” (the secret ingredient in all good West Indian stews) as a middle name, to yeild a truly alliterative combo: Breadruit Burntsugar.

Now, where do I go to collect my prize??????

4 06 2008
Lars (Daddy/Grandpa)

I forgot to mention some choices from actual ancestors and relatives of mine:

There’s Bernadotte Otto and Halhin. There’s Andreas, Ragnar, Olof. There’s Otto, Axel, Sebastian, Johan, Xavier. There’s Harold, Hubert, SΓ©on, Desmond, Raymond, Mervyn, Ellis and Emil. And of course there’s Lars. πŸ˜€

Maybe going back to basics would be an option: what about ADAM? Or was that already proposed by someone? Anyway, it’s one oth the possible serious choices, so don’t overlook it.

4 06 2008
WNC Rod

Hey, Aliyah, you forgot Orangello, pronounced Or-AHN-jeh-low.

Personally, I’m waiting for someone to pull a George Costanza and name their child 7.

Have you considered Hamilton Burger, Ham for short. Or Malcom XL.

4 06 2008
kimmyk

That whole Orangello-yeah. My sis works at a hospital here and some dorks named their twin boys Orangello and Lemongello. Wtf!? Crazy people.

A name huh? Hmm. I like Eaton. I like Levi.
I’ll think on this and get back to ya…..

Congrats on your baby. Very cool!

4 06 2008
Bennie

I think something with all no vowels would be cool…

thlthlthlthlthlthlthl.

You could add and “r” every now and then.

It’s better than flgflgflgflgflgflgflg.

4 06 2008
Marlene

The worst names: Pollob, Eugene, Igor, Herb, Abdel, Axel

Good Names: Connor Ryan
Ryan Connor
Aiden Michael
Jake Evan

4 06 2008
Sandi

My grandfather’s name was Wiley. I always thought that was a weird name. Wiley Russell to be exact.
my Grandma had a son named Sterling..which they called Sterl.
Yeah..I have a weird family.

4 06 2008
Kristi

Ummm, I have great, great uncles named Edsell and Durell. lol Then there is my stepfather’s brother’s Duvon and ….get ready….Colon…hahahaha! I woulda have killed my mama for naming me that.

Just off the top of my head ~
Stabneeka Killjoy (just call her stab for short)
Fannie Anus
I. P. Freely
Dick Butkis

4 06 2008
Kristi

Just a few more from the family tree (how embarrassing) My mom told me there were the twins, Willie Merle and Willie Berle, another great aunt Wier Valeeta and one more, Maudie Belle.

Can you tell my family is from the south..lol

Congrats on your baby!

5 06 2008
Sandi

Mark, in honor of your culinary skills I’ll make my bad name suggestions food related (ala a certain famous actress who saddled her spawn with “Apple”). And to take it one step further I’ll throw in the current trend of taking a name and “making it your own” (which seems to mainly consist of adding/subtracting/or substituting any letter possible to create an unpronounceable “unyque” moniker).

1. Gryll Marx
2. Char Broyel
3. Stayk Flambay
4. Ryyb I.
5. Sirloyn Stayk
6. Philay Menyon
7. Hoht Kwyzeen
8. Byrnt Dynner
9. Soopis Ezy
10. Weldon Berger (my fav!)

Okay, my serious suggestion: Jacob

Congrats on the new baby-on-the-way!!

5 06 2008
Leah

Brooklyn Trout – I kid you not, I had a friend who’s husband is a fishing fanatic, and that is what they named their first son. They call him Brook…which…to me is a girl’s name.

How about Tomsnut Hier (tom’s not here)

or “Minus Bigger” (Mine is bigger), of course if your last name was “Thanyers” it would be a perfect name for a boy.

Many years ago I worked with a person who’s name was “Rockets C. Redglare”. Perfect name for your little guy, I think.

5 06 2008
Dawn

I have another suggestion:

Xaquaree (alternate spelling for Zachary)
Someone mentioned Merle – it IS a family name you know.
I’ve always liked Peter (remember that cute guy from church camp?) but Dan would not let me name our child any boy body part nickname.

5 06 2008
Chennette

someone mentioned West Indian names? These occurred to me while reading the reports of the current Aussie tour of the Windies – cricketers names! I mean, you have beauties like Courtney, Clive and Curtly, Vivian, Vasbert, Garfield, Gordon, Everton, Ridley…if we go into last names, you can get Valentine, which is cute, or Sir Gary’s middle name St Auburn!

Failing that, since this is the 4th child, maybe you should be practical. I remember my father seemed to have a problem with our names and would go through the list starting with the eldest until he hit the right one. Either you name this one Isaac Jonathan Ben You…or just Hey You.

6 06 2008
Kat Bryan

Jubal Lee (jubilee) This is actually my nephew’s name.

6 06 2008
WNC Rod

How about Ron Burgundy? Complete with the question mark so people would have to say his name like they’re asking a question.
You stay classy, Blogosphere.

7 06 2008
Lawrence

Hey…after alot of thought I found the perfect name…..Suleiman Lawrence…..Make sure and put it that particualr order (Suleiman first) to ensure countless hours of fun!

8 06 2008
Mom/Grandma

I think Lawrence should get the prize………….hehe

10 03 2010
briana

what prize and hi my name is briana willliams and u should go to my website and look me up

8 06 2008
Robin

Brick, Timber, Orion, Seancar, Shawn, Esculipio, Lestor and Clifton.

What do you think?

Robin

8 06 2008
Robin

Obadiah, Owen Brian, Malachi, Hagai, Zephaniah, Tonkin,

Here is more.

Robin

9 06 2008
And the winner is… « Mark Ruins Dinner

[…] And the winner is… 9 06 2008 This is where I post the results of my first ever giveaway. If you missed it, here it is. […]

10 06 2008
PJ

My personal favorite: D’Artagnan

10 03 2010
briana

i have a son and that is how he looked befor he came out of me and my husband wanted a girl but i wanted a boy so i got my wish and now my sons name is nickjr and he is geting really big and i hope that u are taking good care of urs

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