Homage to Christmas Past

22 12 2008

Crash Bandicoot was Isaac’s first video game addiction.  I can highly recommend it for children.  It’s very silly and the kids love them still.  Yes, I caught Isaac playing Crash Bandicoot Warped on my old PlayStation 1 last month.  And this first exposure to video games came with a lesson in marketing for Mom and Dad.  At the mall arcade Karen and a four-year-old Isaac noticed a plush Sonic Hedgehog as a prize for winning tickets.  Isaac was inspired and asked if he could have a stuffed Crash Bandicoot.  “Maybe Santa will bring one” says Mommy.  Later that evening a very worried Mommy looked on Ebay to see if such a thing existed.  It did, and Santa brought it for Christmas.  

That was four years ago, and Crash has seen better days.  As the boys get older they enjoy torturing plush toys, especially ones that are already starting to rip at the seams (You should what Isaac did to the Spiderman at my sister’s house).  One of Crash’s arms was starting to separate, so he became the latest victim of the fearsome Four Cousins of Destruction

CSI PlayStation

I’ve been given no details of the interrogation (and I have no idea what happened to his eyeball), but this is how Crash was found the day after Thanksgiving.  As “Mean Ole’ Auntie Dawn” was about to earn her title I informed her that Crash was not long for this world anyway.  She relented.  Crash is bound for the refuse, and it does make us a little sad because it reminds us of a different time in our lives.  Jonathan couldn’t talk yet.  MMmmmmmm………………

CSI: Playroom

28 10 2007

Police responded to a call at the green house and discovered the dismembered pieces of the victim. Heading up the stairs the backbone, ribcage, and pelvis were found on the upstairs landing.


Upon entering the “play room” the left leg was found directly behind the computer desk.

left leg

The left arm (I think) was located on the floor in front of the television.

left arm

The right arm and right leg were found on a pillow in front of the wicker chair.

right arm & leg

The victim’s head was finally located under the chair.


Two suspects were apprehended, and have confessed to torturing the victim. They were the usual suspects.

mug 1mug2

Some toys just aren’t made for kids

15 07 2007

Under “categories” I’ve listed Jonathan takes his toys apart. It should read Jonathan takes Isaac’s toys apart. I’m sorry for the confusion.

Well, Isaac is Link, and Link is Isaac. It’s his secret identity. And it’s why Karen is such a fan of Zelda. It’s not Link running around on our TV fighting evil, it’s Isaac. And wow, he does exactly what Karen tells him to do, the first time (mostly)! If only kids came with a little controller or Wiimote so that they’d do exactly what you told them to.

So Santa brought Isaac a Link action figure for Christmas last year. Let’s just say it’s not as much action as we’d hoped. It breaks as easy as a Jenn-Air range. We found out quickly that Link’s arms fall off, and this is what happens after ten minutes with Jonathan:

Lego Link

I’m surprised he lasted through June.

To save Santa’s reputation I’ve told Isaac about product licensing and the fact that Santa didn’t in fact make this toy in his workshop. The bad news is that Santa bought a dud. The good news is that we can get him something a little more durable.

A couple months ago Isaac told me “When I grow up I’m going to make a Lego Zelda video game.” I wonder where he got his inspiration?

It does say on the box that it’s not meant to be played with. Here’s your first warning:

Warning! May not be as much fun as you’d hoped!

Is there such a thing as a mature five-year-old collector? Anyway, now my old GI Joe bad guy will have someone to go to rehab with:

Jonathan is Sid from Toy Story

Disturbing Superhero Images, vol. 1

3 06 2007

In Spider-man 3 our hero is taken over by this mysterious black suit that strengthens all his super powers, but in return it tries to take over his mind and turn him evil. In Spider-man 4 the black suit makes a comeback and tries to take over completely by removing Peter Parker’s head and growing a new one of its own. In this scene Peter’s body searches desperately for his head (still alive inside the mask) before the symbiote consumes him.

“psst! I’m over here, to your right.”

…now where did I put that thing?

“No! Over here! To the right!”

psst!  to the right!

“No! No! No! The right! The right! Oh, how did I get such a stupid body?”


“Yes! That’s it! You’ve almost got it, quick! Be careful!!!”

Ahhh, there you are!

Peter quickly reattaches his head with the help of Dr. Connors and defeates the symbiote again.

Up Next: Batman’s Severed Arm!